I took my son and Mom our to the Dinosaur yesterday to celebrate Tucker's 18th birthday.  I didn't wear my wig, just my do-rag scarf as I didn't think at that time of day I would see anyone I knew.  We were eating and in walks an old flame of mine.  We dated for awhile, but it just didn't work out, so I was surprised that I felt so vulnerable.  I decided I better say Hi, as he didn't notice me without my hair and I didn't want to have him notice me and realize I was not going to say hi, as I believed we were still friends. Sounds like girl stuff, doesn't it?  It went fine,  he was very kind in his concern. All I could think about was the fact that I had no hair and that the chemo has turned my nails black and I have been instructed to not wear fingernail polish.  I made it through it, but this morning I cried when I re-told the story to my girlfriend. It just hit me. I am forever changed...my body is different...I have no hair and no chest....but I am alive.  I need to remember that.  I am alive.  I am alive.  - Becky